Rwanda genocide: ‘I bin forgive my husband killer – our pikin marry’

Yankurije and Alfred on their wedding day

BBC
Alfred and Yankurije married 14 years after the genocide

To heal, you need to love.

Na wetin one woman believe as she forgive di man wey kill her husband 28 years ago, she even allow dia pikin dem to marry demsef.

Bernadette Mukakabera bin tell her tori as part of di work wey Catholic churches dey do to reconcile di society wey di 1994 genocide wey kill 800,000 pipo in ten days bin scata.

Bernadette tell di BBC say, “our pikin no get anytin to do with wetin happun. Dem just fall in love and notin suppose stop pipo make dem fall in love”.

She and her husband, Kabera Vedaste bin dey come from di Tutsi community wey pipo target afta dem shoot down di plane wey bin dey carry Rwanda Hutu president on6 April 1994.

In just hours, thousands of Hutus wey dem bin teach hateful tins for decades, begin to kill dia Tutsi neighbours all ova di kontri with beta organisation.

On of dis pipo na Gratien Nyaminani, im family bin dey live beside Bernadette for Mushaka for western Rwanda, as farmers.

Afta di killings finish, and Tutsi rebel group take ova power, dem come detain di hundreds of thousands of pipo wey dem accuse say dia hand dey for di killing.

Dem arrest Gratien too and try am for one of di community courts wey dem dey call gacaca, to handle genocide suspects mata.

Di hearings wey bin dey happun everi week na opportunity make di community face di accused and give evidence or hear evidence on top wetin happun and how e happun.

A picture taken 03 December 2003 shows a witness facing the president (with umbrella) of a gacaca court session in Rukira, during a hearing in relation with the 1994 Rwandan genocide.

AFP
Rwanda traditional gacaca courts bin handle hundreds of thousands of genocide suspects

For 2004, Gratien tell Bernadette how im kill her husband and tell am sorry, and na for dia she forgive am.

Di forgiveness mean say e bin no need to go jail for 19 years on top im crime, instead dem sentence am to two years community service.

‘I bin wan help’

For di 10 years wey Gratien dey detention before im come outside tok sorry, im family bin try to make amends wit Bernadette and her pikin Alfred, wey be 14 years wen im papa die.

Gratien girl pikin, Yankurije Donata, wey bin dey like nine years old wen di genocide happun bin dey go Bernadette house to do house work.

She tell BBC say, “I bin decide say I go go help Alfred mama do housework and even go farm because she no get anybodi as na my papa kill her husband”.

She add say, “I think Alfred fall in love wit me as I bin dey help im mama”.

Bernadette say, “she bin dey help me as she sabi say her papa kill my husband and I no get help because my son dey boarding school”.

“I love am from my heart, na why I no fight am wen she become my son wife”.

But when dem tell Gratien about di marriage proposal, e bin get corner eye on top di whole mata.

Yankurije say, “e bin dey ask how and why family wey e don offend like dat go wan do anytin with im daughter”.

Di happy couple with Bernadette (L), dey carry her grandpikin and Gratien (R)

BBC
Di happy couple with Bernadette (L), dey carry her grandpikin and Gratien (R)

At last, dem come make am change im mind and give dem im blessings afta Bernadette bin explain to am say she no get bad mind for Yankurije.

Bernadette say she no vex for her daughter in law for wetin her father do.

She add say, “I feel say she go make beta daughter-in-law sake of say na she understand me pass, infact I ginger my son to marry am”.

And for 2008, di couple marry for di local Catholic church.

Na for di same church, Gratien bin enta to tok sorry, two years before, afta im finish im community service.

‘No reconciliation, no holy communion’

Di church don dey di center of efforts to reunite communities for di area.

Father Ngoboka Theogene for di Cyangugu Diocese say pipo don dey accept di reconciliation programme. As several oda churches dem dey do similar programs.

Father Ngoboka explain say, “those wey dem accuse of genocide no go fit collect communion until dem reconcile wit di victim family.”

Di final stage of di reconciliation na make di accused and victim stand togeda, “di victim go come stretch dia hand to di accuse and na sign say dem don forgive am”.

E no tay afta Gratien bin die wey pipo go one event for Mushaka to mark 28 years since di genocide and learn how dem fit live togeda.

Na hia wey Bernadette tell di tori of how her son marry di daughter of di pesin wey kill her husband.

“I love my daughter in law well-well and I no know how I for take survive if she no dey to help me afta my husband die”.

She say e dey sweet am for chest, di way di love tori of Alfred and Yankurije dey encourage pipo to find and offer forgiveness.